don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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