Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
