Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
do herpes really smell.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
