Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
