tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
