just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Are we in a gay sports bar?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
