your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
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