btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
