Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
