But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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