i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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