which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Randomize
