i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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