Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
