I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
