there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
