I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
