I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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