i need an iv and a liver transplant
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
