Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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