I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
