I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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