Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
