Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
