She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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