Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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