Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
