i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
