im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
