If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
