You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
