I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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