lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
