when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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