Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
