her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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