I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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