I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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