you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
