cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
