just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
