I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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