It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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