Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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