I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
