He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
