your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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