i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She announced her abortion via fbk
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
