just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
