tell your sister to shave her snatch
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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