Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
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i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Enjoy the penises
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.