i may or may not be watching the land before time
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...