Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?