Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.