It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing