The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Randomize
