did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
we're so committed to being not committed
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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