I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
