I accidentally had phone sex last night
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
