she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
This toilet bowl is my home.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
