So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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