I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
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I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
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Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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