That's intense
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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