I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
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I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
BRING THE BAGELS
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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