i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
did i just pee glitter
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
