God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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