when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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