she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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