He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
