i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
