My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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