A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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