WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
