Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
