I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Randomize
