And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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