Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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