um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
